Reflections on Integration

Integration is a tricky thing. It is a constant challenge to know how to act and realize what the impacts of those actions are. On one hand you want to build trust and show your host community that you are genuinely interesting in learning about their lives by participating in them. On the other you are not a Malawian and never will be. You have your own life and culture which you don’t want to give up or pretend does not exist. You could simply say, “Just do what Malawians do”; but which Malawians. Do I act like the beneficiaries of the projects I work on, which are usually the poorest? Do I act like the people in the family I live with? Do I act like my co-works? Do I act like white Malawians? Do I act how a Malawian would with the resources I have? These can all be very different. Even the fact people treat me differently prevents me from being “like everyone else”. It is very hard to know why someone is acting a certain way towards you. Is this reaction because I am a westerner, a woman, a young person, a visitor, a traveler? For example, today on the mini bus they encouraged me to take the front seat (which is so much more comfortable than any other). Is that because I am a westerner or because I was a young woman traveling by alone, looking lost and tire? There are a lot of times when it makes sense to reject such privileges, as it just emphases that you are different and should be treated as such. I have ridden the mini bus many times and never been offered the front seat, normally I am crammed in the back with everyone else, chickens, goats and all. I took the front seat this time, mainly to see what it was like. It was a much better ride, but I did feel like I was being put in a different class then the other passengers and was totally disconnected to what was happening behind me.

Part of integrating is also forming relationships with people around you, but this can sometimes be very challenging. Malawians pride themselves in being very friendly people; which is true, but often people that “target” you to be their “friend” have some alternative motives. It makes you hesitant to interact with people, and eventually your first thought about everyone one who comes up to you is “what does this person want from me?” Earlier today I was talking to a few Malawians staying at the same rest house. They were playing bao, and I ended up playing a couple games with them. Later I got a knock on my door. One of the men asked if he could know more about me. I asked him why he wanted to know more about me. He told me he wanted to be friends and then went on to explain that he wanted to know if I could help him get to Canada. Other times right after someone introduces themselves to you they ask me for money or to buy something from them. The worst is not knowing if someone really is your friend, or just acting that way. I have had a couple experiences where I thought I was developing a friendship, but then they started hinting or asking out right for things. This creates for me a very lonely situation.